Josh’s Thoughts

Mat 18:21-22 GNB
(21) Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, if my brother keeps on sinning against me, how many times do I have to forgive him? Seven times?”
(22) “No, not seven times,” answered Jesus, “but seventy times seven…”

I heard this Scripture preached a lot when I was growing up. I heard a lot about forgiving people when they have wronged me. But something stuck out to me today when I read it. I noticed that someone has to keep wronging you for you to have to keep forgiving them.

Think about that for a second.

If we have to forgive someone twice, then that means they wronged us twice. If we have to forgive them three times, then that means they wronged us three times. If we have to forgive them seven times, like Peter suggested, then that means they wronged us seven times.

And if we have to forgive someone 490 times, like Jesus said to do, then that means that they must have wronged us 490 times.

I find it hard enough to forgive someone once! Much less 490 times!

I was meditating on this Scripture today, and I realized that there is another thing–aside from a person continuing to wrong us–that could cause us to have to keep on forgiving them. It’s our memories. Sometimes people do things that are so horrible–so terribly rotten and wrong–that we have to keep on battling those memories. We find ourselves having to keep on forgiving them again…and again…and again…and again.

I think that’s why Jesus made it clear that He wants us to keep on forgiving. The more that we struggle with memories, the more that we should forgive those who gave us those memories.

I guess what it boils down to is that forgiveness is better for us than holding grudges and bitterness and painful memories. I’ve heard it said many times that “bitterness only hurts the person who is bitter,” and I think that statement is very true. If someone wrongs me and I hold onto what they did and stew and stress over it, then I only hurt myself. I don’t do a thing to them!

Be that as it may, none of us will ever be able to forgive to the extent that Jesus forgives, simply because none of us have ever been wronged on the level that He was wronged! None of us have ever been betrayed to death by the ones who should have defended us. None of us have had all of our closest friends leave us on our death bed. When we consider what Jesus went through, and when we realize that He did it for us, and that He forgave us in spite of our unworthiness–for we did not do anything to earn His forgiveness except to ask Him for it–then it becomes a little easier to forgive those who have wronged us.

Finally, I can’t leave the subject of forgiveness without pointing out that there are two extremes of Christians when it comes to forgiveness: Those who have never learned how to forgive, and those who have never been seriously hurt and so they judge those who are struggling with forgiveness.

If you are in the first category then I urge you, for your own spiritual good, to learn how to forgive. Learn how to forgive people even when they don’t ask for forgiveness, and when they aren’t even sorry for what they did. Forgiving them doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t seek closure, it just means that you’re letting go of whatever it was that they did–no matter how terrible it was–and you’re deciding to leave it in the hands of God and to go on with your life. It means that you’re refusing to let the person who hurt you be the person who destroys you.

If you are in the second category then I urge you to not ever, ever judge someone who is struggling with forgiveness until you have walked the road that they have walked. I have friends who have had things done to them that I cannot imagine. Who am I to sit here on my holier-than-thou-pedestal and judge them when they struggle with forgiving the person who hurt them? Yes, they need to forgive, but I am going to help them, not judge them.

One more point: No matter which camp you’re in–the camp that can’t learn to forgive or the camp that judges those who refuse to forgive–remember that forgiveness is all about mercy. If God gave mercy to us, then who are we to refuse it to others? If you have been hurt then you will find so much peace in showing mercy to the one who hurt you. If you are one who judges those who struggle with forgiveness then you should stop judging them and start showing mercy to them, and in doing so you will find favor with God.